Grief Doula Services
We were not meant to grieve alone.
Have you felt the soul-shaking grief of those who have been split open? Have you longed to drop to your knees, scream and wail, tear your clothes, and pull out your hair? Or maybe you feel frozen by grief, numbed, like something unmoveable is in the way of you feeling and experiencing things like you used to or want to.
In many societies, grief is seen as a spiritual inititiation that can be a portal to a deeper, fuller life. But like all initiations, it is painful, often scary work, and cannot be done entirely alone.
As a Grief Doula, I accompany you through the sacred journey of grief. Whether you are going through a divorce or relationship ending, are suffering through the lonely pain of a miscarriage or chronic illness, are grieving the death of a loved one, or carrying unknown grief that you would like to explore, my work is to accompany you in your journey, bear witness to your grief, and be a loving presence in which you can rest, ground, and ultimately find joy again.
I do this work in-person in my home in Oakland, or for those who are unable to leave their homes or suffering crises, on some occasions I can travel to your home in the wider Bay Area. Typically, I require a minimum of 5 sessions, although we can speak about specific exceptions.
My own journey with grief
began on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. My life had changed in an instant, and I found myself curled on my bedroom floor wailing so loudly I felt as though the walls might cave in on me. Wild convulsions shook every bone in my body and the howls coming out of my mouth were otherworldly. My whole body participated in the grief, and like a woman in labor I knew that something powerful, something life-giving, but something wholly mysterious to me was moving through me.
As I began my journey through grief, with support from two gifted healers, I found myself surprised by sudden, incomprehensible bubblings-up of joy. Like a deep, gurgling spring had been pierced by my grief and was now rushing to the surface. I would sob and belly laugh at the same time, and have no idea why. In moments when I shouldn’t have been happy, I felt more alive and more vibrant than I ever had in my life. Some magical alchemy had begun, and I set out to explore it.
As I pursued my own healing, I “accidentally” began encountering others - friends, loved ones, but often strangers - in whom I could sense deep wells of sorrow. And in beautiful, transformative encounters, I began to accept my soul’s calling.
Resources for those who are grieving
Francis Weller’s book, The Wild Edge of Sorrow, started my journey into “the sacred work of grief.” Francis’ in-person, communal Grief Rituals,
are a deeply transformative time of ceremony, communion and healing.
Martín Prechtel, of the Tzutujil Maya shamanic tradition, is a soulful, joyous teacher and guide. I’ve been deeply moved by his lectures through the Emowell project (Grief & Praise) and his book, The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief And Praise.
For a Buddhist approach to understanding suffering, I recommend Phillip Moffitt’s Dancing with Life and Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart.
But perhaps my greatest teacher has been the poet Rainer Maria Rilke. No one knows how to grieve like the great poets, and Rilke’s words have a way of cutting straight to the core. Below is a beautiful meditation on grief and a great soul cry to God, from Rilke’s Book of Hours.
It’s possible I am pushing through solid rock
in flintlike layers, as the ore lies, alone;
I am such a long way in I see no way through,
and no space: everything is close to my face,
and everything close to my face is stone.
I don’t have much knowledge yet in grief
so this massive darkness makes me small.
You be the master: make yourself fierce, break in:
then your great transforming will happen to me,
and my great grief cry will happen to you.
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Book of Hours
Translated by Robert Bly